feels like everything's starting to hit me; i lost my bearings ten minutes ago

[cleverness]

Hermione's eyes are red from crying. It's been only a few hours since Ron suddenly turned up in Darrow, but already, the city feels entirely different in having him here. Closing up shop for the day was the easiest decision Hermione's made since arriving, and moving Ron into the Nook went without saying. Since his arrival, Hermione's found it hard to tear herself away from his side, hands constantly reaching for his arm and needing the reassurance of having him physically by her side.

Only once she reminds herself that he hasn't been away from her side for all that long does Hermione finally relent, giving Ron an opportunity to explore the city for herself. There's nothing wrong with having missed him as much as she has, but she's never wanted to be the stifling type either.

Exhausted, she lays her head on the dining room table, soon falling asleep.

She wakes up to the sound of Remus' grindylow tapping angrily against the glass and making faces in her direction. Eyes narrowing, Hermione sighs as she gets to her feet, a soft smile on her lips.

"I'm sorry for having missed your mealtime, but you don't have to behave like that, you know. A gentler tap would have gotten the message across far more politely," Hermione points out, grabbing a few small sardines from the ice box and dropping them by the grindylow, who dips down and attacks them immediately. "Isn't it Remus' turn to be feeding you?"

Comments

[primuslune]

Hermione's change of direction in the conversation is accepted mildly, though Remus still lowers his eyes to the backs of his hands silently for an uncomfortably long stretch before finding the words to answer her, as honestly as possible. There are a number of things he might have said ... but he knows, they would really have just been some sort of misguided attempt to save face. Hermione doesn't need him to save face, she needs honesty, and he ought to provide some of it.

At least, he ought to avoid dishonesty if he knows better about himself.

"It would be Harry. It ... really would. I hope that you don't judge me too harshly for it, I know that I've shown him far too much deference and favor. I've lost a lot, and I've come to terms with that. But it's difficult to come to terms with possibly losing Harry when it barely seems like I had a chance to meet him."

[cleverness]

"I don't know if judging would be the right word for how I feel. Trying... to understand, but certainly not immediately condemning," Hermione says, sitting straighter and trying to herself of the telltale slouch she's worn ever since her school years. Even since starting to work at the Ministry, it's been hard to shake some habits. Not that she doesn't try.

"You see, to me, Harry was removed from any sort of pedestal the very moment we had our first conversation on the Hogwarts Express. From the moment I realized, in spite of all the amazing feats that he was attributed to, at the bottom of it all was just a regular boy who needed to grow up as much as any of us. I don't see him and think of anyone else. He's a dear friend, but my reasons for missing him are completely opposite. I've known him forever. It's strange, having that pulled away."

She takes in a deep breath, watching Remus thoughtfully. The closest approximation she might have to Remus' situation is that of little Teddy, but even then — having known Teddy practically since birth, he's become his own person, rather than the son Remus and Tonks never had the chance to raise.

[primuslune]

Remus thinks about Hermione's response for a moment, but frowns lightly once he's digested it. He pours them both a cup of tea, his hands lingering on the warm handle of the pot.

"It isn't that I put Harry on a pedestal, believe me -- nor have I ever. Nor would I ever. But it is also impossible to view him outside of my context. Not completely outside of it. Maybe that's the trouble with relating to someone so much younger. No matter how well I may get to know him, he will always remind me, at least a little, of where he came from."

[cleverness]

"Forgive me if I've overstepped somehow," Hermione says first, bowing her head in thanks for the tea before pulling it closer to herself, hands cupped around the warmth. It's too hot to drink just yet, but she doesn't bother cooling it with her wand. The luxury of time is all too rare in their lives, and she's not in any hurry to let it slip away.

"I'm just trying to understand. To what end, I'm not sure. Maybe I miss Harry enough that simply talking about him is enough to ease that somewhat," she murmurs, pulling her lower lip in briefly and hooking her ankles, toes bumping against the floor. "Is it that he reminds you of his father?"